Formal Letter to introduce myself
Dear Professor Brad,
I am writing this to introduce myself. My name is Kelvin and I studied mechanical engineering at Ngee Ann Polytechnic before coming to SIT to further my studies in mechanical engineering. What sparked my interest in continuing to study engineering was because of what my friend did in national service. During one of our duties, the springs in one of the remote control of the air conditioner fell off. My friend was able to apply his engineering knowledge and fix it by using staple bullets as a replacement for the springs instead. This enabled us to use the controller, fascinating isn't it?
Back to myself, one of the strengths I have in communication is the fact that I am very straightforward. I tend to get straight to the point instead of beating around the bush. My weakness in communication skills would be that I am very nervous while giving a speech or presentation. I tend to fidget a lot while presenting as it is one of the ways that calms my nerves, which to me is a really bad habit that I hope to get rid of.
By the end of this module, I hope to be able to speak and present confidently in front of people. I think that having the ability to communicate and speak confidently is one of the skillsets which will help me greatly down the road in my career. Not only that, I also hope to improve my grammar and writing skills. Being able to write an email professionally without making grammar errors is one skill one must have in the industry.
What differentiates me from the rest is that I am constantly trying to improve myself. Even though I might be a slow learner compared to others, I continue to work hard and not lose heart in order to keep up with others. I look forward to a fruitful trimester in honing my language and communication skills with you and my peers.
Yours sincerely,
Kelvin
Try not to repeat your subject multiple times. For eg 1st para, i don't think you have to repeat that you can use your controller, because you mentioned it was fixed alr so that was fascinating enough
ReplyDeleteSome sentences can be shortened. An example is 2nd para last sentance, I think you can explain it simpler because it seems like "it calmes your nerves' but 'bad habit and you want to get rid of it'? If you use better connector and transition, your sentence structure would be more smooth.
I think overall it is a well written letter and I can understand your letter. keep up :) oh anyways im aleeya!
ReplyDeleteHi Aleeya,
DeleteThank you for the positive and constructive feedback!
Yours sincerely,
Kelvin
Some sentence can be shorten and some minor sentence fragment such as " Not only that, I also hope to improve my grammar and writing skills.", there is a missing "but" to complete the not only .... but ... sentence construction. But overall it is clear and easy to understand, good job.
ReplyDeleteHi Kun Hui,
DeleteThank you for pointing out the mistakes!
Yours sincerely,
Kelvin
Hi Kelvin some comments:
ReplyDeleteIn para 1, when mentioning "SIT" for the first time you should spell it out in full as Singapore Institue of Technology (SIT).
In the last para i thought "as compared to others" would make the sentence flow smoother.
Other than that i find the letter to be well written!
Hi Jayden,
DeleteThank you for taking the time to read my post!
Yours sincerely,
Kelvin
Hello Kelvin it is good to know more about you.
ReplyDeleteI found that as an introductory letter this is good for letting people know about your background. Your point and goals are very clear
Some comments:
In paragraph 1 line 3, the sentence is a mouthful and can be shortened by paraphrasing it.
You tend to follow up the main point of each paragraph with a descriptive sentence. It is good to follow after however the keywords used are the same making the second sentence repetitive.
Great use of connectors, they really transition your sentances well.
Hi Mandy,
DeleteThank you for your feedback!
Yours sincerely,
Kelvin
Dear Kelvin,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this clear, concise and informative letter. I appreciate the well focused content being aligned with the assignment brief, the succinct organization and the nearly flawless language use. In the process you've provided detailed supports for the specific topic areas, allowing readers to gain a clear understanding of who you are.
From the clear discussion of your comm skills, your goals and your national service experience, and from your interaction in class, I can see that you have potential as a critical thinker and well rounded communicator. In terms of challenges such as developing more confidence in public speaking, we can note that you are motivated to improve, and I can assure you that you'll have plenty of chances to do so in our module (as you see)
There is one topic where you mention that you "tend to get straight to the point instead of beating around the bush." I'd like to see you explain that with an illustration.
In terms of language use, here are a couple pointers:
1. sentence structure
-- This enabled us to use the controller, fascinating isn't it? > (comma splice)
2. phrasing/word use
-- one of the remote control > (need for plural) one of the remote controls
Here's to a truly 'fruitful' module experience!
Cheers,
Brad
Dear Prof Brad,
DeleteThank you for taking your time in reading my blog and giving your feedback! Looking forward to see how my communication skills will improve with your guidance by the end of the module.
Yours Sincerely,
Kelvin
Yours sincerely,
Kelvin